I never wanted to be considered Spanish.
I was raised in the country and embarassed of my upbringing, so I lived vicariously through characters on T.V. Unfortunately, all those characters were American, something I could never be.
Born and raised in Puerto Rico, I lived surrounded by hardship all my life. Fifteen years later I moved to Florida... Indian Harbour Beach, Florida. This beach town was surrounded by chill people, and high school reminded me of Clueless. I didn't ride a motorcycle or Mercedes Benz to school, but I did challenge myself to remain on the honor roll.
I wanted to blend in and be white, not Puerto Rican because I was terrified to be look as a second class citizen. The only thing holding me back, my accent.
I attended college at LSU and double majored in Theatre and Journalism, met lifelong friends and had a typical college experience. Then, I had my first broadcasting class and got even more insecure.
On a typical day after submitting a package, an edited video of a topic, the whole class would provide feedback on the scripts and videos. I struggled like many, but worse than that: hearing my accent in a room full of people that I thought sounded normal. My mom doesn't have an accent, I spent my whole childhood watching Arthur and Nickelodeon, so why don't I sound normal?
Until this day I'm insecure about my accent. If I misspell anything I wonder if people think I'm not fluent in English. I wanted to be my idea of an American so badly that I was willing to erase my culture.
My fear doesn't come from taking a big step, it comes from being judged by others.
After seeking professional help I am able to journal and have hobbies, like blogging about menswear and writing quirky captions. I have a short attention span and try my best to keep my content short and sweet like coffee with condense milk.
This post was an important step to admit that I was embarrassed to be Puerto Rican.
I didn't want to be known as the Spanish girl who has an accent and takes photos. First, I am not Spanish, Latinx are not "Spanish people." I consider myself Puerto Rican, and Puerto Ricans are American. Second, my physical attributes don't make me; actions determine a person.
That is the reason why I am open minded, and don't want others to feel judged.
Working in customer service I got more compliments that I ever had my entire life. I was doing something right, or maybe it was my 10k smile.
I listen to people and showed them a completely different way of looking at fashion; even when clients weren't into my suggestions.
I was always an American, accent and all. Today I am a New Orleanian with cheesy jokes and great fashion sense.
Why not follow me on Insta?
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